Saturday, 18 August 2012

10 Reasons Why I Stopped Going To The Cinema So Often

Daybreakers. The deleted scenes from Blade spun into an entire movie. Stars Alan Grant off Jurassic Park, probably Ethan Hawke too. ETHAN HAWE IN is never a good reason to go to the cinema. The speakers crackled the whole time and I got nacho cheese on my Top Cat t-shirt.

The Other Guys - THE ROCK IS IN THIS MOVIE. The Rock dies at the start of this movie. The only time I ever walked out of the cinema, and one of about four times that I was in the cinema on my own but also Deborah was there.

Terminator 4 - I cannot - I can not - remember what happens in this movie. Like an acid flashback, I have glimpses: pregnant redhead, big golden Arnie, Chekov. Shite shite shite shite shite shite.

Youth In Revolt - Mike Cera finally plays against type - just after everyone gets over him. Who was the love interest in this? An, fuckin', an old lady? Or the opposite, a...fifteen year old? More nacho cheese problems. Not often I ventured to the Newry cinema. Reason.

Hot Tub Time Machine - Pretty much everything I hate about modern culture in one sitting, plus Lizzy Caplan.

Iron Man 2 - I mean, all I remember is Iron Man...1. Happening. Did I imagine this movie. Tony has a few drinks and that's our Tony-the-alcoholic storyline? Wasn't the end of the movie set in fucking Rapture?

Toy Story 3 - Yeah, yeah, it's a great film. And the power cut. And all the kids got riled up, and took ages as fuck to settle down again and near ruined the movie.

Kung Fu Panda 2 - A film with one joke and they stuck it in the trailer. To be fair, it was a cracking joke.

Predators - Genuinely fell asleep. Adrien Brody's an action hero now huh?

Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World - A film about wankers for fucking wankers.

And all the deadly films I missed and had to watch at home because of this shite - Easy A, Warrior, Drive, Bridesmaids - man, life is fuckin' hard.

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