Thursday, 5 April 2012

Craic Or Badness?

Hello, Thursday!




I live on a noisy street. Every day, a cacophony of barking, billowing trash and motorbike maintenance makes leaving a window open an exercise in patience. On certain days, depending on the weather, I can tolerate it for longer than about ten minutes but in most cases I'll open it for a sense of ambiance*, that particular feeling of connectivity that it offers, and slam it shut as another of West Avenue's world's-best rows kicks off and the fat and the furious commence their daily gulderance. Barely 24 hours will pass without a screaming match in the tarmac arena below my first floor flat. Occasionally I'll spy in case something interesting transpires (someone got a clout once) but in most cases I don't need to hear about whether the tanned lady's boyfriend is a cunt just because her nan's only after dying.

Another flavour in the sonic stew is the screaming. I'll often ignore it as best as I can because there are a few kids about the place and they tend to do that, but at the same time someone was murdered here last year.

Oh yeah, someone was murdered here last year.

I don't live in the best part of Crewe. I live in one of the most murdery parts, yeah, but not one of the best.

So I can't really tell if the screaming is that of kids, like this:

Boy 1: "Oy, Ben Ten, it's high time I, Robbie Rotten, got the better of you. Avast ye, I have a stab with your name on it!"

Boy A: "Oh, oh no, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH. Right, my go to be Ben Ten."

Kids at the craic. Maximum craic**. Kids love it.

OR if it's badness, like this:

Rocco Coyle: "Alright mate, have you the time?"

Innocent Man: "Oh, hold on 'til I get my phone out here..."

Rocco Coyle: "Aaaa, you munter, that's what the fuck I want, you wanka. Gimme your phone and gimme your money. I want all of it. Give it to me now."

Innocent Man: "No way. I bought this phone with the money, and I earned the money. You can't have them."

Rocco Coyle: "Right, I'd best stab you then. But: for REAL."


To be honest I'd probably fall into the Seinfeld gang mindset and not to anything about it if a Rocco Coyle was doling grief round the street but I WOULD feel bad about it. I guess what I'm trying to say is that ever since learning someone did a killing on my doorstep, I can't rest easy when I hear shrieks of joy in case they're actually shrieks of bleeding. Craic or badness? I never had to ask myself that in Dungannon.


* Magazine etiquette dictates the italicization of foreign words, yo
**Blogger wanted me to change this to "maximum Craig", and I was tempted but didn't want to compromise the integrity of the article by serving the whim of a digital dictionary but I can guarantee the next post I write WILL be called Maximum Craig

For more and more and MORE visit Rambleast right now, GO NOW. Today's Spider-Man article's a doozy. This post was sponsored by Wild West Honey BBQ Beef Jerky for the mout' and Crystal Maze for the 'baws


  1. I don't like how you've attached negative stereotypes to my cousin Rocco's character. He's been trying hard to go legit and the family are very proud of him.

    He's turned his life around and is going to sit his Junior Cert in 2013, as long as any of the exams clash with his 20th birthday.

    I'm so mad at you... so mad I might go Rocco on yo' ass.



  2. I saw the name Rocco Coyle on a tinker's grave and I've been waiting to use it ever since.

    I hope I've honoured his memory. So sad for a man to die when he's only three...

  3. And a man he was no doubt

    May Jesus who died on the cross hold no hard feelings against him nor anyone belonging to him

  4. You really never had to think that in DGN? I honestly feel safer in Belfast like. And it has WAY more killings.