NFL Mock Draft 2012... TotalRecoyle shtyle

I love the NFL College Draft... I fucking LOVE it. It's one of my favourite times during the NFL season. Weeks and weeks in the build-up containing much analysis, changing of minds and endless conflicting reports and rumours. Not to mention the drama on the night itself, players falling, surprise picks and unexpected trades. There are 32 picks in the first round (some teams have more than one because of previous trades) what will follow in how I think the draft will go, but I'm already CERTAIN that this isn't going to be order in which things will occur when we actually get down to it. I saw a great tweet from ESPN "league insider" Adam Schefter a day or two ago, saying that almost every team picking from picks 3 - 16 would consider moving down. There's also an emerging consensus that this draft class isn't a classic which would support his claims. 

As you may already have seen, Luke has already posted his mock 1st round. Now it's my turn. If I had more time for this I would probably have gone into more detail with this tonight, but as it stands, it's 2 hours until showtime and I'd like to get my thoughts down on paper. It's going to be a long night if I manage to sit through until my Giants pick with the last slot at no.32.

1. Indianapolis Colts

Andrew Luck - Quarterback - Stanford

No surprise here. The Colts have already confirmed he's going to be their pick. I've only seen about 2 of his college games and he was pretty incredible, even catching passes during a trick play at one stage. Only yesterday I watched his appearance on Jon Gruden's QB Camp, where his knowledge, enthusiasm and body of work at the collegiate level means the Colts shouldn't have any trouble making the pick. For well over a year people have been saying that he's the best to come up from the college ranks since the man he is replacing, (1st overall pick in 1998) Peyton Manning.

2. Washington Redskins

Robert Griffin III - Quarterback - Baylor

Again, no surprise. The Redskins traded for this pick with the Saint Louis Rams and paid a kings ransom to move up (6th & 39th picks this year, 1st round pick in 2013 and 2014). They'd better hope this works out because if it doesn't they've set their team back for about 5 years at least. I happen to think it will. He's smart, has a great arm and he's fast as hell. I dread to think what he might be able to do if he successful evades the rush sometime in the future against my New York Giants. 

3. Minnesota Vikings

Matt Kalil - Offensive Tackle - USC

This is where the draft really begins in earnest. The Vikes need someone to protect last years no. 1 pick QB Christian Ponder. Kalil comes from good stock; his older brother Ryan is an All-Pro on the O-Line and his father also played in the USFL in the 80s, and his combine workout was stellar. I think they need to make this pick but a lot of reports in the last 24 - 48 hours say they're going to tackle LSU corner Morris Claiborne. If that happens then who knows where Kalil lands. Serviceable corners can be found in lower rounds but it's not everyday that you have the chance to get your hands on an elite left tackle. 

4. Cleveland Browns

Trent Richardson - Running Back - Alabama

The Browns could go for Texas A&M QB Ryan Tannehill here, but it's a pick I don't think they can make. When they've got an elite playmaker landing to them in Richardson, it's way too risky to pick a Quarterback who's only started 19 games in college. Richardson looks phenomenal and is talked about with the same reverence as the last truly elite running back to emerge, Adrian Peterson in 2007.

5. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Morris Claibourne - Cornerback - LSU

Clairbourne looks like he could be elite, and in a division where they face Drew Brees, Matt Ryan and the electric Cam Newton the Bucs really need it. Their current CB corps isn't great with Rhonde Barber amongst the oldest players in the NFL and Aqib Talib never out of trouble. The Bucs will be delighted he's fallen to them, if not they'd snap up Kalil, but as I said before I don't think this is likely.

6. St. Louis Ram

Justin Blackmon - Wide Receiver - Oklahoma St. 

The Rams need weapons for Sam Bradford. Simple as. Opinions on Blackmon have began to falter the longer the draft process has gone on, but the fact is, a slower than expected 40 yard dash and concerns about size don't erase his production at college.

7. Jacksonville Jaguars

Melvin Ingram - Defensive End - South Carolina

If reports are anything to go by, the Jags want out of here badly, and if last year is anything to go by it's probably for the best. They really over-draft Blaine Gabbert last year. If they do pick here, they've got a lot of needs, but getting pressure on opposing QBs must be top of the list. Picking a corner wouldn't be out of the question either. 

8. Miami Dolphins

Ryan Tannehill - Quarterback - Texas A&M

I'm of the opinion that the Dolphins should look elsewhere with this pick because Matt Moore has proved he's serviceable at QB and they need a lot of help at other positions, to help them steady the ship in a difficult AFC East. Probably too high to take a receiver, but they could get someone here for the secondary or defensive line help. 

9. Carolina Panthers

Fletcher Cox - Defensive Tackle - Mississippi St. 

The Panthers defensive line was horrible last year. If he can be as disruptive as they hope, he'll be a simple pick.

10. Buffalo Bills.

Michael Floyd - WR - Notre Dame

The Bills spent big money on D in the offseason. I assume they'll go for offensive help here. I don't know if they'll take a tackle or wide receiver. I'm going to go with Michael Floyd. He will be a great complement for Stevie Johnson and help Ryan Fitzpatrick justify his contract. 

11. Kansas City Chiefs.

Luke Kuechly - Linebacker - Boston College

Boston College produce great 'backers and Kuechly looks like he's going to be brilliant. This move would give the Chiefs one of the best linebacking corps in football along with Tamba Hali. 

12. Seattle Seahawks

Quintin Coples - Defensive End - North Carolina

Concerns about a poor senior season, but I'm reading that Pete Carroll loves him a lot. Although I'm also reading that he could be a bust. 

13. Arizona Cardinals

Riley Rieff - Offensive Tackle - Iowa

They need help at tackle. Levi Brown hasn't been the player they thought he'd be and while Rieff is projected to more than likely to play of the right of the line, he's a definitely upgrade and will be key to keeping Kevin Kolb or John Skelton on their feet. 

14. Dallas Cowboys 

Marc Barron - Safety - Alabama

The Cowboys seem to have solved their problems at corner with the signing of Brandon Carr and the widely touted Barron would really help improve the secondary as a whole and could be very effective in a run heavy division like the NFC East.

15. Philadelphia Eagles

Stephon Gilmore - Corner back - South Carolina

Eagles will probably use this pick on D. They could go with someone on the D-line. But with the trading of Asante Samuel to the Falcons this week, I reckon they should go with Stephon Gilmore here to provide help in Nickle packages, where they struggled last year.

16. New York Jet

Chandler Jones - Defensive End - Syracuse

The Jets need pass rushers. A Rex Ryan D without pressure doesn't function, as we saw last year. They love Chandler Jones (as do a lot of other teams) and they can't afford to miss like they have with Vernon Gholston in previous drafts. 

17. Cinicannti Bengals

David DeCastro - Guard - Stanford

They have 2 picks in the second half of the first and the consensus has been that they need a receiver, a corner and O-Line help. I think they've got enough at receiver that will let them wait until the lower round of the draft. They could go with Dre Kirkpatrick here, but I think that with the Chargers picking at 18, then they'd miss out on Stanford guard David DeCastro at 22. 

18. San Diego Chargers

Courtney Upshaw - Outside Linebacker/D. End - Alabama

If the Chargers don't get someone here for the offensive line they're going to go for a pass rusher. Upshaw shone on one of the best Ds in college football, during a stellar career at National Champions Alabama.

19.  Chicago Bears

Kendall Wright - Wide Receiver -  Baylor

The Bears will be good, but they could go in several directions here: O Line, Pass Rusher or Receiver. If Chandler Jones is here, which is unlikely, they'll pull the trigger on him. But the way my mock is unfolding, they should take Wright, who was lethal in the RGIII run offense at Baylor.

20. Tennessee Titans.

Whitney Mercilus - OLB/DE - Illinois

Seems to be the consensus pick here. Talk about the best name a pass rusher in the NFL could have. They might go Wide Receiver here also, considering how they lost almost all production there last year after Kenny Britt was injured. 

21. Cincinnati Bengals

Dre Kirkpatrick - Cornerback - Alabama

See pick 17. If Kirkpatrick is gone here they could take Janoris Jenkins who is said to be a top 10 talent if it's weren't for all the character concerns.

22. Cleveland Browns

Stephen Hill - Wide Receiver - Georgia

Really interesting pick here. I think they try to add another weapon for Colt McCoy here with Hill. They all say he's raw but his size and speed makes him a unique prospect. I don't think the Browns take a QB here, but I wouldn't rule out them trading back into the bottom of the 1st round (perhaps with the trade-happy Patriots at 31) to get their hands on Oklahoma State QB Brandon Weeden. 

23. Detroit Lions 

Jonathan Martin - Offensive Tackle - Stanford

The Lions could use some help at a couple of places on D, but with such a high-scoring offense I think they could get serviceable guys lower in the draft. With this pick they should get someone to keep injury prone QB Matt Stafford on his feet. That's where Martin comes in. 

24. Pittsburgh Steelers 

Dont'a Hightower - Linebacker - Alabama

How I wish he'd fall to the Giants at 32. He looks brilliant from what I've seen and could have a massive impact in Dick LeBeau's defense, in a division that is now home to 2 elite running backs. 

25. Denver Broncos

Dontari Poe - Defensive Tackle - Memphis

The Broncos really need help at defensive tackle. Poe put in a great performance at the scouting combine but he's seen as a boom or bust player. Michael Brockers is also a possibility here, but Poe's athleticism could make him a great fit for a Denver D that was brilliant at times last season before falling apart in the last 6 or so games. 

26. Houston Texans 

Cordy Glenn - Offensive Tackle - Georgia

Texans could really use O Line help here, especially after letting the right half of their line leave in free agency. There's also been a lot of talk about them taking a wide-receiver here. That's certainly a possibility, but with two of the best running backs in the NFL on their roster they should bolster the line.

27. New England Patriots

Shea McClellin - OLB/DE - Boise St.

The Patriots could do with a Pass Rusher and possibly a corner. But... it's the Pats so it's impossible to try and guess what they'll do. I'm going to go with a pass rusher like Shea McClellin here because I've read a couple of things about them liking him a lot. But is it a smokescreen???

28. Green Bay Packers

Nick Perry - DE - USC 

The Packers need pass rushers as well. Maybe he doesn't fit their scheme, and if McClellin is here (which he  very well may be) I think they could take him either.

29. Baltimore Ravens

Peter Konz - Centre - Wisconsin

Matt Birk says he'll play another year. There's a pretty good chance they select his heir here... although don't be surprised if they go in several other directions. 

30. San Francisco 49ers 

Amini Silatolu - Guard / Tackle - Widwestern State

The ran the ball brilliantly last year and I think this pick bolster their line. He looks nasty and aggressive which Jim Harbaugh will love. 

31. New England Patriots

Michael Brockers - Defensive Tackle - LSU

No idea what they'll do here. I assume they'll be dying to trade out of this spot by them time 4.30 or 5am come around. I'm giving them Brockers because he's good and I think he'll probably be gone by now. 

32. New York Giants 

Doug Martin - Running Back - Boise St. 

Despite winning the SuperBowl the Giants have some needs, some more important than others. They could use a running back or a tight end because of injury. Or they could use an O-Line guy or a Linebacker where they're vulnerable. A lot of people are mentioning Coby Fleener and he looks a fantastic player, but I think it would be short-sighted, which isn't Jerry Reese's style. Doug Martin played in an electric Boise St. offense and will be a nice addition, especially if Ahmed Bradshaw isn't healthy. The thing about the Giants though is... they'll always take the best athlete on their draft board, so if someone falls like Prince Amukamara did last year, they'll snap him up fairly sharpish. 

Fuck that was difficult... Enjoy the draft

2012 NFL Mock Draft

Tonight, New York's Radio City hosts the NFL draft, the marquee event of the offseason.

I'll not bore anyone with an explaination of the draft - those reading this post will already know. So, without further hesitation, the Indianapolis Colts select.....

Its Worth Looking Into

Its Worth Looking Into; your favourite sandwhich I mean.
Ever since moving house in January I've been eating the same sandwhich for breakfast every morning. Which is four pieces of white bread, four fish fingers and about four tablespoons worth of ketchup.

I looked into how much that actually cost me in terms of how much food you can eat without putting on weight.

Maw'Fucker was 800 Calories. A normal adult woman can only have about 2000 in a whole day, and I can only take about 3000 (being a super-woman) so you can see how massive a dent that sandwhich is in the overall budget. That's pretty extreme for a breakfast. By comparison what I'd been eating beforehand in the form of Fruit n Fibre with Skimmed Milk is like, 125 Calories.

I am not stupid enough to expect they be similar, but apparently I am well beyond stupid enough to really understand quite how much worse it would be. So, I guess my advise to you would be, that if you don't particularly enjoy being overweight... question the more magical sandwhiches... they're trying to fool you, lull you into a false sense of security, and then strike !

Next thing you know bam ! You've lost your job to Captain Fucking Birdseye, and he's shagging your now ex-wife atop a mound of money and jeans that don't fit you anymore.

Game Of BONES

Fair enough, I’m a week behind, but only in writing this. I mean, I watched the thing in good time and everything. What I am behind, though, is on THIS week’s episode. Which I’ve not watched. But check this: I’ma throw a stockingfull of euphemisms at you right the hell in a minute.

BECAUUUUSE Game Of Thrones was wild sexy last week wasn’t it? The reason, in fact, that I'm a day or two behind this week's episode because I've still not recovered from Alfie Allen’s rigorous rogering of that funny looking woman. I really did get the impression that he actually, and I mean truly literally, fucked her senseless.

Hah. Like it ended there. Prozzies, adultery, incest, this episode ran the smut gamut. It had everything bar the inevitable Peter Dinklage full frontal shot which I genuinely hope they’re saving for the finale... OF HUMAN LIFE.

Speaking of incest, it’s definitely something GRRM’s fond of*, isn’t it? Hell, I’m not complaining, I mean if our boy looked like Nikolaj Coster-Waldau I’d usher the term brotherfucker headlong into the pop lexicon (sometime after I usher the term Pop Lexicon into the Pop Lexicon). You (and the courts) say incest, but s far as I'm concerned, the ride's the ride.

A shot of his Dinklage is inevitable...

But still, much like that scene in The Wire with Bunk and McNutty swearing at a homicide site for a good five minutes, all the flauntery of ding dongs, creation poles, jizzlers etc, well, it did feel a little like HBO was waving its OWN piece around. "You can't do this, ABC, but we can, and AM".

At least it wasn’t the only one. Let's hear it for the men of Westeros and their Tall Cryers, pissers and pair-o'-baws, and their lovely ladies' dairybags, schwingers and George Bushes.

What's interesting is how I was convinced - CONVINCED, I SAY - that Liam Cunningham was already in the first season, which I just watched again recently, but I forgot who I thought he was and mightn't have been thinking of him anyway. So now he's about. I fell asleep during his scene this week, but only because I was full knackered after a day or two of work and travel and being lazy and stupid.

As an NIP (Northern Irish Person), naturally everybody I've ever met has had a STARRING role in the show, so now that this season's on air I'm on the lookout for people I recognize. My close personal childhood friend Charles Dance has shown up once or twice but he's the only one I've recognized, though I'm informed that the entire village that's been populated with my cousins should be making its forty-second appearance in next week's episode.

Other things I'm wondering about is whether or not we'll ever see The Thick Of It's Roger Allam again now that Viserys is out the picture. Also that's the only things...

Anyway, it was an episode rich in detail without much furthering of the plot, (but with another crucial sneak peak of the supernatural - I needs me white walkers faster than HBO can deliver them) much like a lot of GOT episodes seem to be until you realise you’re at the end of the series and the plot is so far beyond you you feel stupid for not realising that was PLOT riding past you on horseback for ten weeks, you chutney.

P’out.

*Writing about...

Derek - Starring Karl Pilkington

Karl Pilkington is one of my favourite people. I listen to the XFM shows and subsequent podcasts and audiobooks he did with Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant CONSTANTLY. Recently he filmed a Channel 4 pilot/one off comedy with Ricky Gervais called "Derek", where he plays a staff member in a care home occupied by a variety of strange characters. It's Karl's first proper acting role and I've been looking forward to seeing it since it was first mentioned.

I forgot it was on tonight, until my mate Gaz reminded me. The joys of Channel 4 +1 means I can watch it tonight instead of having to wait until it appears online. I'm going to live blog the shit out of it.

I'll point out now that I don't hold particularly high hopes for this (Maybe because it's on Channel 4 and not the BBC who Gervais usually works with and rumours circulated that it wasn't going to be commissioned for a series. Also the fact the trailers were a bit meh), but seeing as how I'll watch anything featuring Karl and usually enjoy it, there's no way I'm going to avoid it.

Strap in...

11.05 - Ricky appears as "Derek" and gives a tour of the day room, thinking the camera crew could be from Secret Millionaire and introduces a nurse he's infatuated with. It follows the mockumentary style Gervais and Merchant are famous for.

11.06 - THERE'S KARL. Not wanting to be on the telly as usual. It's instantly apparent he's pretty much just playing himself. The perks of the job he lists out is pretty funny... slippers, 3 meals a day and a dead man's glasses.

11.08 - Derek is annoying as fuck... and, so far, not in a particularly funny way. I do like the "Hamster on a Piano" video he shows the camera men.

11.10 - The guy who plays Brian, the sometimes incomprehensible café owner in Cemetary Junction shows his face. He's amazing. I wish I knew him name.

11.11 - DEREK SPAZZES OUT WHEN HE SITS ON CUSTARD!!! LULZ

11.12 - Bit of back story from the nurse/assistant Derek is obsessed with. I can't place where I know the actress from but she's pretty good

11.13 - She laments the lack of eligible men in her life and it cuts to a shot of Dougie (Karl) and previously mentioned lad from Cemetery Junction looking like two right sorry cases.

 As you can see in the above picture, they're both wearing amazing glasses and not-Dougie's delivery of the line "Fungus... in me hip" is brilliant. He plays a certain kind of character very well this guy. I'll wiki his name during the break. They're Derek's two best friends and refers to themselves as "the in-crowd". Dougie wants no part of it.

11.15 - I don't think anyone else will see it this way but in my mind this is all about Karl, and the few minutes he's been on screen so far is all I've cared about.

11.18 - Derek falls into the water and hilarity ensues. It might be the most physical piece of acting I've seen Gervais do. He legs it through the day room bollock naked. Karl just lifts up his head and says "normal" and goes back to what he's doing. He's just playing himself and I love it.

11.19 - Break. Time to wiki this lad...


11.20 - David Earl is his name. I think his character in this is called Arthur. He's an autograph hunter and has over 35,000 apparently. He does it because he love the rush.

11.22 - And we're back... Derek is jealous of the nurse (Hannah) having a cheeky look at a new patients grandson. They're trying to figure out if he's gay. Derek takes a run over to chat to him and blurts everything out. Lad takes the piss out of him. It's enjoyable so far, and I could see this working as a series but it's nothing overly hilarious.

11.25 - Derek and Hannah take to the pub. No Karl so far... I need more of his face. The pub is full of knackers who take the piss out of Derek in a cruel manner. Hannah has enough and goes to confront them, something I initially read as a dodgy attempt at depth, which was about to make me squirm until Hannah headbutts one of the knackers and saves the day.

11.27 - MORE KARL. He's upset about the amount of shit the old folks hold on to.

11.30 - Dougie loses it with Derek on the bus while he's trying to drive. It's brilliant. I love seeing/hearing Karl annoyed.

11.32 - Someone dies in the home and Derek gets upset. If this was to be made into a series it would probably be a critical piece of character development, but if it's only going to be a one off I don't know if it was worth going so "heavy" with everything.

11.34 - There's a funeral scene where the heaviness continues... until Dougie shows up and saves the day. Karl should have been in this a lot more. Then Derek actually succeeds in getting Hannah together with the previously mentioned "dreamy grandson". It ends with some slow piano music.


Verdict? It was good, but not great. Hardly Gervais' best work, and is just another source to cite when arguing Gervais is much less of a "comedy genius" when he doesn't have the criminally underrated Stephen Merchant writing with him.  Less funny than I thought it would be. I have a few criticisms of the show starting with the fact that the trailers suggested that there'd be more great lines throughout the course of the episode. While that isn't a make or break factor, it slightly irked me.

 As the main character in the show I thought Gervais could have done a lot more with the character of Derek. I think he captured certain traits of adults with learning difficulties quite well; the enthusiasm and kindheartedness (which I found difficult to buy... knowing how much of a prick Ricky is. I use the word prick affectionately - I think) Derek possessed was apparent and by the end of the episode it was hard not to like him. On the other-hand however, if someone were to accuse the show of merely being a vehicle for Ricky to slick his hair in a ridiculous manner and make  one of the ridiculous faces he's constantly posting on twitter, I wouldn't accuse them of being a complete cynic.

If the show were to be developed into a series (which I wouldn't be overly confident of) I think it could work and be very good. There's a lot of room left for character development, especially with the character of Hannah. The actress who played her was excellent for the role. I must investigate as to who she is... the classic "I recognise her from something" line was running through my head throughout the course of the episode.

Also... it goes without saying that it could have done with a lot more Karl and David Earl.

6.5/10

Badger, how I love thee.

Heidi Klum and Seal to be divorced...

She's no longer his power, or pleasure, but his pain:

Don't worry Seal, you've still written the greatest song in the history of music.

Four Dicks Live Blog - Passenger 57

I've never done this before. Usually when I write about films I do this then work out points and shit afterwards but this time it's raw, baby, raw and ready. Passenger 57 - Wesley Snipes vs crime. 1992. Let's go...

Dark Souls Hates Me, But I Love It

Dark Souls doesn't treat me well. It's my abusive spouse. I'm afraid of it. I feel like I can't do anything right. It humiliates me and puts me down. And it makes me feel like I deserve it.

And still I love it.

MAXIMUM CRAIG

THIS PICTURE IS TOO BIG FOR THE BLOG. IT'S TOO BIG FOR THE WORLD. I don't care. I KEEP my promises...

Call back later this week, you, for a drunken live-blogging (my very first ever ever) of Demolition Man which I bought today JUST FOR THAT PURPOSE after seeing it on the TV a few nights ago.

P'out.

Pullblox/Pushmo

I purchased a game a couple of days ago for the first time in many moons, and for my 3DS no less. I was browsing away on the Nintendo eShop and came across a few 3DS Ware titles that looked interesting - Pullblox especially, so I decided to throw caution to the wind and purchase some Nintendo Points. This was my first experience of doing so, and I was disappointed with how the Points system works. Instead of just paying the £4.99 for the game itself, I was forced to buy £10 worth of Points as the minimum incremental purchase. Unfortunately all the other games are more expensive than £5.01, or are just downright terrible looking. Alas, I've now got that remaining cash just burning a hole in my 3DS wallet for the immediate future. Oh well.

Anyway, on to Pullblox (which it is known as here in Europe - Pushmo otherwise).

Badassery

Animals in the wild are my absolute favourite. In spite of having zero affinity for cats (unless they're around my person and not acting the dick, in which instance they're acceptable) I absolutely adore big cats. In spite of garnering less attention than their dick-ed fellows, there's nothing I'd rather observe than a lioness. Such beautiful, powerful, terrifying creatures. Seriously, watch:

And from 2.56 in this video perfectly encapuslates why I love them so much:

Power, grace, determination, bloody-mindedness.

Lionesses are boss.

Craic Or Badness?

Hello, Thursday!

3...

2...

1...

I live on a noisy street. Every day, a cacophony of barking, billowing trash and motorbike maintenance makes leaving a window open an exercise in patience. On certain days, depending on the weather, I can tolerate it for longer than about ten minutes but in most cases I'll open it for a sense of ambiance*, that particular feeling of connectivity that it offers, and slam it shut as another of West Avenue's world's-best rows kicks off and the fat and the furious commence their daily gulderance. Barely 24 hours will pass without a screaming match in the tarmac arena below my first floor flat. Occasionally I'll spy in case something interesting transpires (someone got a clout once) but in most cases I don't need to hear about whether the tanned lady's boyfriend is a cunt just because her nan's only after dying.

Another flavour in the sonic stew is the screaming. I'll often ignore it as best as I can because there are a few kids about the place and they tend to do that, but at the same time someone was murdered here last year.

Oh yeah, someone was murdered here last year.

I don't live in the best part of Crewe. I live in one of the most murdery parts, yeah, but not one of the best.

So I can't really tell if the screaming is that of kids, like this:

Boy 1: "Oy, Ben Ten, it's high time I, Robbie Rotten, got the better of you. Avast ye, I have a stab with your name on it!"

Boy A: "Oh, oh no, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH. Right, my go to be Ben Ten."

Kids at the craic. Maximum craic**. Kids love it.

OR if it's badness, like this:

Rocco Coyle: "Alright mate, have you the time?"

Innocent Man: "Oh, hold on 'til I get my phone out here..."

Rocco Coyle: "Aaaa, you munter, that's what the fuck I want, you wanka. Gimme your phone and gimme your money. I want all of it. Give it to me now."

Innocent Man: "No way. I bought this phone with the money, and I earned the money. You can't have them."

Rocco Coyle: "Right, I'd best stab you then. But: for REAL."

Innocent Man: "Christ's beard! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH"

To be honest I'd probably fall into the Seinfeld gang mindset and not to anything about it if a Rocco Coyle was doling grief round the street but I WOULD feel bad about it. I guess what I'm trying to say is that ever since learning someone did a killing on my doorstep, I can't rest easy when I hear shrieks of joy in case they're actually shrieks of bleeding. Craic or badness? I never had to ask myself that in Dungannon.

The scene of the crime? VERY PROBABLY THE CAR WAS INVOLVED

* Magazine etiquette dictates the italicization of foreign words, yo
**Blogger wanted me to change this to "maximum Craig", and I was tempted but didn't want to compromise the integrity of the article by serving the whim of a digital dictionary but I can guarantee the next post I write WILL be called Maximum Craig

For more and more and MORE visit Rambleast right now, GO NOW. Today's Spider-Man article's a doozy. This post was sponsored by Wild West Honey BBQ Beef Jerky for the mout' and Crystal Maze for the 'baws

Mountains of words

 My name is not important... just know I'm here to bore you all. 

 I thought I'd better get off my considerable ass and write my first post on Four Dicks after committing to contributing to our little project. The thing is... I've got no idea what I'm going to write about tonight, with the exception of a brief introduction to some of the topics I intend to talk about. When I agreed with Donovan and Paul to start a collective blog (with Luke to follow about a minute later), I did so because I had been thinking for a while that I'd quite like to write about sport and the other things I like in my life such as music, television and video games (although I bow to the knowledge of every other contributor to Four Dicks when it comes to gaming).

 The reason it's taken 3 days to get a post ready (I wanted my first to be fairly substantial in length) is because our house is currently undergoing a bit of a makeover for the past 2 or 3 weeks and quite frankly, the place is a shambles. Nothing is where it's supposed to be, there's no kitchen, daily periods of no electricity and a living room that as of today contains nothing but our, soon to be old, t.v. and a small wooden coffee table that's about 15 inches high that managed to hold the weight of both myself and my dad as we ate dinner and watched some of the build up to the US Masters, which starts today (Thursday).

 On the upside, things are looking up, by Saturday we should have a finished kitchen, a painted living room and some brand spanking new televisions, including a deadly looking 32" Sony I bought for myself. Today I bought myself a wireless keyboard and mouse so I can hook my laptop up to the TV and use it as a monitor. This is the first thing I've used it for and already I love it more than they laptop keyboard I've been using for the past 18 months or so. Logitech job. Bargain.

 Most importantly these new TVs will be broadcasting a myriad of sports in HD for the considerable future, which has gotten me excited in a big big way. We've been extremely late adopters when it comes to this kind of thing and it took quite a bit of arm twisting, but it's going to make everything about watching television so much better, and hopefully give me plenty of things to write about on here. 

 While sport probably isn't my favourite thing in life, there aren't many things I enjoy talking, reading and writing about more. I love music, but the subjective nature of music often puts me off reading, and subsequently writing about it. Still, that won't stop me throwing in my two cents every now and again. 

 The beauty of sports is that everything is much clearer, but not clear enough to kill off debate. Anyone can watch a game of some sort, yet still have wildly differing opinions on why things happened in the manner that they did, as the many hours I've spent chatting shite about different sports with all sorts of people can attest to. 

  I enjoy following lots of different sports, but the ones I tend to be most passionate about tend to involve a pitch and a round or egg-shaped ball. Soccer, Gaelic Football, Rugby and NFL are my favourite sports but I follow many others with differing levels of interest. I'd watch a decent bit of golf, but mostly just the 4 majors and the Ryder Cup, but increasingly more and more as the years have gone on. And at various stages of the year I'd get hooked on things like Wimbledon, The World Snooker Championship and the All Ireland Hurling Championship. Since ESPN have started broadcasting for free this year, I've found myself getting into NBA and College Basketball as well. Essentially, if there's a ball, a time/scoring limit and people are competing... chances are I'll watch it. 

 When it comes to the four main sports I mentioned earlier, my writing will probably tend to focus on the teams I support and I can imagine I'll probably want to write most about NFL, because for the last 3 years or so I've been absolutely obsessed with the sport. It's a sport a lot of people don't get, but I love it. Everyone's accountable, it can be so entertaining, and almost every game has the potential to be fantastic. The post-lockout season of 2011 was truly fascinating and everyone lived happily ever after because my New York Giants won it all at SuperBowl XLVI (46) in early February at Lucas Oil Field in Indianapolis. And despite the short season (16 regular season game, 4 playoff games) the NFL has truly evolved into a year round league, where there are big stories all the time. I'm currently listening to a podcast featuring in-depth analysis about the upcoming college draft where 250-odd college players will be picked by NFL franchises. In some ways it can be even more interesting that the season itself. I love it. 

 Right now in early April its clear that soccer (I get shit for calling it that, but I was always brought up calling Gaelic Football football but I'll try not to do it so much) is the most interesting sport to keep track of on a weekly basis with Manchesters United and City scrapping away for the Premier League and the unstoppable looking Barcelona (at least in the continental competition) seeking to win the Champions League yet again. The main disappointment of this season was Man Utd's failure in Europe which was pretty hard to take. I realise I've grown up in a golden era for United and the only other years I can remember them being this bad in Europe were 1994 and 2005. Even if United win the league all anyone I know really cares about this year is how Ireland are going to do in the Euros in Poland and Ukraine. I'm not sure how they'll do but that's a story for a different day. 

 When it comes to Gaelic Football, the league is coming to a climax on Easter Sunday but nobody really cares about it, despite my county, Donegal, needing a victory to avoid relegation. It's all about Championship football in the summer and I can't wait. Last year Donegal came from nowhere to win the Ulster Championship and were 35 minutes away from only a second All-Ireland Final ever, only to lose to eventual champions Dublin. Again... more about that later. 

 This upcoming weekend promises a lot of good sport. Hopefully we have the new TVs hooked up so we can take it all in. The US Masters from Augusta will be on all weekend and should make for some exciting viewing. A lot of people (in Ireland) anyway seem to be backing Rory McIllroy, and while I hope he can win it, I've got a sneaking suspicion that Tiger Woods is going to announce to the world that he's properly back and win a 5th Green Jacket. He's been looking good lately and it'll be interesting to see how he gets on.

Something else I'm very excited about is the return of Heineken Cup rugby, with 3 Irish provinces reaching the quarter-finals. Leinster and the newly-fit Brian O'Driscoll should have enough experience to put aside Cardiff Blue on Saturday evening, but the game I'm looking forward to most is Munster - Ulster on Sunday afternoon, even if it clashes with Man Utd - QPR. Ulster have done brilliantly this year, and should be good for several years to come, but I think Munster have been here before and will progress. Watching Ronan O'Gara play rugby when he's on form is one of my favourite things and after a fairly miserable 6 Nations for Ireland, where he failed to start a game because of the emergence of Leinster's Johnny Sexton over the last 2 years, I'm sure he's chomping at the bit to prove he should be the one wearing the no.10 jersey. Personally, I think he should be the one to start for Ireland, but Sexton is a quality player and I can understand why Declan Kidney picks him for Ireland ahead of ROG.

I've just noticed how much I've written in the last 45 minutes or so... without really saying much at all. I really need to learn to reign this shit in, but I'm new to this so it's going to take a bit of trial and error. I realise this is all a bit text heavy and that everyone has stopped readinh, but from now on I'll make sure to post some pictures and video to make things a little more palatable. I'll need to make sure my ramblings are somewhat more focused in the future, rather than the stream of pish consciousness I've just thrown out of  brainbox. Until then...

Borderlands

Although it's not released until FUCKING SEPTEMBER, I'm crazy excited about the sequel to Gearbox's 2009....sleeper hit? Cult classic? Not sure. Either way, the game - while definitely flawed - showed plenty of potential. And with a bigger budget and time to work on the aforementioned problems, its successor could be something very special indeed.

Chelsea vs. Benfica

Inspired by Donavan's live blogging of M:I3 last night, I've decided to adopt a similar approach for my blogging bow. Having no previous experience, it'll break the blog down into bitesize chunks, hopefully meaning there'll be little to no loss of concentration from YOU, the lucky reader, and an increasingly drunken me.

Hi

Kingcrimsonprog here, an internet user also known as Gentlegiantprog. I am posting to shamelessly plug my blog here:

http://kingcrimsonprog.wordpress.com/

Live Blogged: Mission Impossible 3

So I came home from work looking a good release, and lo and behold, Film 4 were showing one of my favourite movies, M:I III. Now it's been a while since I've seen this film admittedly, so I decided to jot down some as-they-happen thoughts while a watch. Enjoy.

21:15

This is when I turn on the TV, unfortunately about 10 minutes into the film. Can't remember if I missed much.

21:17

Holy shit! Emmy Award-winning actor and genuine dead on guy (I believe) Aaron Paul is in this movie! He kicks so much ass in Breaking Bad. This must be the first time I've seen this movie since it started. Aaron seems to be Tom Cruise's brother-in-law-to-be here.

A Celebration

It brings me no little pleasure to bring to you a milestone in the life of our little and essentially untitled site - the third post.

For those of you who've been following us from the start, now's the time to reflect on the highs (the creation of the site) and the lows (not being able to name the site or populate it with content) and all in between. Without you, all this would have been as possible but not as well read. Here's to another three posts of posts: I'll see you at number six, the internet!

For more information please. This post was brought to you.

Five Lies

1: There is plenty denying that Charles Barkley is a tall black man.

2: This is a picture of an eagle:

3: I am not writing this.

4: Every home has a personal cupboard vicar.

5: "Joe Quinn" is an exciting name.

YOU just had your time wasted, son.