I've never done this before. Usually when I write about films I do this then work out points and shit afterwards but this time it's raw, baby, raw and ready. Passenger 57 - Wesley Snipes vs crime. 1992. Let's go...
20.15 – Programme Start. The menu reads, in order, JUMP TO A
SCENE (!), SUBTITLES and PLAY FILM, so I select that. The print is scarred as
fuck but the music. Is. Amazing. I like Warner Brothers’ commitment to
preserving shitty looking film prints. I’ve downloaded this music by now.
20.17 – Watching the credits - Ugh. Tom Sizemore. No, wait,
I like Tom Sizemore. YEAH – BRUCE GREENWOOD! (Is in the film, too) Also Liz
Hurley whose name is nowhere on the box. So the music is by Stanley Clarke. My actual
quote was “this is really good music. This is the sort of music i would listen to
if I was just hanging out”.
20.18 – THE REAL START. Oh we have some serious ham on offer
here. “I never live in the past.” “There will be no pain”. Also the actor’s
name is Payne so that’s a fucking lie.
20:19 - A grey van
just with SWAT written on the side- I don’t believe they’d ever look like that.
The villain, Charles Rane, he’s changing his face in a hospital. I cannot
stress how much i want him to change his face to Wesley Snipes. This notion I just
had is probably the entire basis for the movie Face/Off. Also I keep calling
Wesley Snipes Snesley Wipes, so I’m just abbreviating it.
20:20- A footchase. We’re cooking with gas now. A really
needless shot of water cooler bottles spilling all over the perp. Footchase
over...?
20:21- Snes appears and Dominic says “it’s the Sniper”. I
think he looks like he’d smell really fresh and lovely in this film.
20:22- Is he messing? IS SNIPES THE/A CRIMINAL!?
20:23- No, it was a fakeout and now some exposition. Tom
Sizemore appears. Dominic says “it’s the Size.” Wesley Snipes is a hard case.
SO much info thrown our way in one scene. His lady Lisa is dead.
20:24 - There’s one shot of Wesley snipes looking sincerely
upset and it hits me how much I completely adore him. I could do a
watch-all-his-movies thing like I tried with Hanks, Denzel and DeNiro and am
currently doing for Cushing.
20:25- So, OK, the villain is pacing in a cell. This guy’s
the hammiest fuck out. All the rest of the cheese in the film doesn’t nearly
stack as high as this fella.
20:26 – He makes the lawyer say “Charles Rane is not insane”
like a wee motto.
20:27- Snipes lives in the best flat ever. Black and white
flashback to Lisa’s death. Flashback robber is the worst actor in the film yet,
but then Snes says “oh my god” and it’s worse than in Troll 2. Also in the late
80s and early 90s the best way to be moody is with rain. Stand in the rain and
you’re moody. The music sounds like early Dream Theater if they replaced their
singer with a sax player, honestly, that’s a considered statement from a DT fan.
20:30 - Greenwood
slumming it just. He offers Snes the vice presidency but I’m not sure if it’s of
the country or just of badassery. Or his regular job.
20:31 - One of those shots where a regular person eyes up
the main character all sexy like so the audience gets that he’s sexy.
20: 31 (but later in the minute) another two lines as the
shot changes indicate the previous scene was reinserted in the edit- this was
DEFINITELY meant to be the first scene at the airport and also I thought the
airport was a mall.
20: 32- A suspicious man! I WILL CALL HIM SUSPERIO AND MAKE
HIS A PRIORITY OF KEEPING TABS ON HIM THROUGHOUT THE FILM.
20:33- FUCK ME! THIS FILM IS SET ON A PLANE! THAT IS pretty
much my AW SUSPERIO AWWWW TOTALLY UP TO BADNESS ON THE PLANE, also there’s Liz Hurley
making no impact at all, so anyway, planes are pretty much my favourite setting
for things.
20:34 - Liz Hurley is a posh bitch
20:35 - I register the thought “I think she is with the bad
terrorist” aloud as Dominic concurs as they are both English.
20: 35 - The terrorist gets on with kids. I want HIM to win.
20:36 - More lines about Rane’s dead father, and Snes is
reading The Art Of War on the plane. This is some of the laziest storytelling just.
20:41 - Snes is black, as is Arsenio Hall, so Snes is
introduced as Arsenio to a white lady and she doesn’t know the difference
20:41- “The old ‘go into the bathroom before shit kicks off’”
says Dominic– this film’s just gonna be Die Hard isn’t it?.
20:42 – Hurley. Terrorist. CALLED IT.
20:43 - “Shut up or be killed”. I LOVE IT. There’s an
amazingly coiffured terrorist too.
20:44 - We keep thinking Snes is called John Connor. He
pulls out the old ‘I’m a coward’ like Hans Gruber when he’s discovered
20: 46 - A bit early for a Mexican standoff. How is this
going to maintain for the rest of the movie?
20:47- Was Brad Bird an actor? Yeah. Brad Bird doesn’t care
about the terrorists because he is one.
20:48 - Snes has the best fighting face ever, better even
than, like, Blanka.
20:49 - Dominic chuckles at the plane being called “Atlantic
International”
20:50 - Dominic tells me there’s a famous quote to come
later in the movie. To say I’m stoked is just about adequate
20:52- It’s fuckin’ roastin’ in the living room so
unrelatedly we take a break for some more Russians and I’m super pissed I haven’t
any Wild West Honey BBQ Beef Jerky and consider going to ASDA for some. Not
Aslan, that’s the lion. No, not the band. FUCK ME? FUCK YOU, COCKSUCKA!
20:57 - I kinda wish I had a bloody Mary. Never had one
before. Bet they’re rank. But then I like beef jerky and there’s no denying that
shit is disgusting, oh, and Peperami and all. Just give me dried meats and tomato
boozes and I’ll be a happy DOMINIC RETURNS.
21:01 - You gotta get into the underplane to be safe in
these films. There’s no way this could ever happen. Snes has put on an amazing
jacket. They’re communicating on the plane’s phone- DIE HARD. Also the shot of
the phone being picked up looks like it was directed b someone who guest-directed
that single shot and tried to steal the film.
21:05 - SUSPERIO kicks Snes off of the plane?
21:06 - Dominic says “do you reckon that guy with the
earring is a fruity pop?”
21:07- Probably fair to say it’s not just Die Hard anymore now
Snes is off the terror plane.
21: 11- Dominic - “he has British hair”
21:18 - This film is
boring as shit. If I’d paid more than a pound for it I’d be pissed.
21:28 - Ten momentum-sapping minutes later and we’re back on
the plane.
Then, but later, the villain falls out the plane and the
music cue is just like that bit in Die Hard when the exact same thing happens
at a window. JeSUS.
21:43 – You know, it says on the box they call Charles Rane “Rane
of Terror” but it never happens, also the sticker on my copy says “The Perfect
Gift For Christmas”, and the tagline is “He’s an ex-cop with a bad mouth, a bad
attitude and a bad seat”. After the movie, Dominic points out the famous line
of dialogue that we missed altogether so we rewind and watch the scene then
have more cocktails.Here it is: enjoy it for what it is -
Note – never do this unless the film is awesome.
LUKE?
PREDATOR.
That quote is superb. I'm definitely gonna sort out a live blogging of Point Break on Tuesday or Wednesday.
ReplyDeleteI watched it for the first time about a month ago, it's ripe for a live blogging. Unlike this film, which took the place of Demolition Man at the last minute.
ReplyDelete